I met the friendliest cop last night
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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