I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
