My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize