So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
