I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
