I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
