What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
