He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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