So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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