Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
