you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I believe in your delicious
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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