So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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