i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
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I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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