paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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