I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
