i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
