Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
