Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Duck Duck Cougar?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
