after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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