Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos