where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.