We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.