ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.