u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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