Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
