If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.