absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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