i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.