oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.