Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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