I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory