that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
