last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Vodka?
Forever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
