My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
