At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I could fuck to npr.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
