I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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