Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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