I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize