turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
