Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
