Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
