whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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