dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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