I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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