So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
