the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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