Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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