dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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