never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
