my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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