Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We had to coat check the pizza.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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