I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
