I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
