Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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