Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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