So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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