Your mouth is God's brothel.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
