I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
