I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
