Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she peed on how many people?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
