My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
