This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
