becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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