is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
