Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize