Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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