I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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