Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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