reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
