I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
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I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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