My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
