saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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