o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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