but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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