I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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