I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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