You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
