he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
