did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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