She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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