Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
