there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
