no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
