don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
