Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
