My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so let's talk penis.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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