he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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