My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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