"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
