She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize