I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
