then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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