yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
