hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
