Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
