After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
