I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
