You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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