a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
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I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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