I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
