so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i now understand why vodka
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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