I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
