You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
