I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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