We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
