Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so let's talk penis.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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