I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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