DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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