After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
