Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
